God’s First Response

Dear Adam,

I urge you to exercise some patience. This is a quality with which I have adequately equipped you, but which, despite your detailed exploration, you have yet to discover.

It has been just three days since I placed you in the centre of the garden which I took great care to prepare as a beautiful paradise for you to admire and adore, and you are complaining already.

Let me first address the problem that you seem to have with boredom. Have you not given consideration to my plight? Until I created you, I have had to endure loneliness which is beyond your tiny imagination, and I have done so in total darkness. What I would have done for a splash of green light during those long days of eternity! Yet you dare to complain?

You will already have noticed that I have taken immediate action regarding your complaint about the monochromatism of paradise. If you have not, just look up, and you will notice that I have painted the sky a very pretty shade of blue. This evening it will change its colour, through orange, to a very agreeable rosy pink.

That change will herald the arrival of what I understand to be your greatest desire: Eve. No, that is not evening! You will meet your new companion, a woman, named Eve. You have brought this upon yourself, Adam, so I want no complaints when you tire of her company. You will soon find out that anything that goes wrong will be your fault. You will always be wrong, even when you are right.

I cannot emphasize enough that you must accept full responsibility for keeping Eve away from the apple. Unbelievable as it may seem to you, the snake will do all that he can to tempt Eve into taking a bite of that forbidden fruit. Should this happen, Adam, I shall have no hesitation in placing all of the blame for the disastrous consequences firmly at your door; or at your bivouac entrance. You have been warned!

Well, enjoy the rest of the week. It is bound to be very eventful, and I shall be watching.

See you in my house on Sunday.

Your Father in Heaven, for ever and ever,

God